I was not sure it was the right time to start the quest. Now, I am almost sure it was the wrong time.  Should I continue?  Life is full of these decisions.

It seemed straightforward.  An almost constant companion of 30 years was letting me down.  Specifically, she was losing her cool over the past year.  There were other small things too, not that they mattered much between companions on the roads of life.  The condition was diagnosed and a time was scheduled for the work.  It seemed like just another bump in the road for me and my wagon. It seemed like what should be expected from a 30 y/o mechanical friend. 

 I had seen her on a used car lot in the spring of 1998.  A low, sleek, beautiful 1995 wagon, a model I had admired for several years.  She had experienced very low mileage from her leaser and now was up for sale.  After a couple of months and a few thousand dollars, she became part of the family.  In her first years she was my wife’s car, being the newest of our fleet of two.  As she aged and was no longer the newest, my turn came as her designated driver and our love affair blossomed.

Now, here’s the story about that bump in the road and losing her cool.  Her air conditioning died early this spring.  Living in the desert is wonderful if you have air conditioning.  Without it, well that is a different story.  Parts were needed and hard to find.  After waiting six weeks, all expected parts were on hand and the work was scheduled.  Once at her second home, my local Mercedes shop where I do believe they love her as much as I do, the work began.  Unfortunately and unexpectantly, another part was needed.  She stayed in the shop for three weeks till it arrived.  

The cost was surprisingly not prohibitive, not even the sales tax of an average used car, but the loss of my car for almost three months, was.  In a decade or so they will be coming to take my license away.  Before that, I, like most Americans, need those wheels. That was when I decided it was time to shop for a replacement.  Maybe it was the wrong decision.

Car shopping for the first time in over a decade, I found that while much remains the same, much has changed.  The showrooms, sticker shock and the pesky sales people remain.  The internet, the products and the test drive have changed in unexpected ways.

Did you know you can buy a car sight unseen and without a test drive?  Yes, you can and it will be delivered directly to your home: the magic of the internet at work.  Fortunately, the companies that sell cars that way have a return policy.  

My favorite vehicular companions over the years were purchased after satisfying test drives or as a rental drive.  I will be reluctant to purchase a car over the internet unless I have had experience with it otherwise.

“What about the new cars?” you may ask.  They are a problem.  There are drivetrain choices, body style options and of course, the accessory packages.  The drivetrain choices include gas (4, 6, & 8 cylinders with or without turbochargers), electric and hybrid models.  The body style options are sedans, wagons, sports utility vehicles (SUVs), minivans and sports cars.  Trucks are a different matter. The accessory packages vary from basic needs to the unbelievable.

It is easiest to address the drivetrain and body style options together.  The number of plain gas engine cars has declined dramatically.  They are seen for the most part in entry level, luxury or sports car models. All the rest, actually most, are 4 cylinder hybrid engines.  American manufacturers have almost completely quit making sedans and none currently make ones with 6 or 8 cylinder engines.  For a typical sedan with a 6 or 8 cylinder gas engine the choices are limited to the upper end of the luxury brands.  The auto industry is focused on making all their vehicles go from zero to 60 in less than 10 seconds, while achieving an average gas mileage of 25 miles per gallon.  

The first goal is most likely driven by consumers and the latter by government regulations.  Trucks, however, defined separately by the government, are regulated differently and less stringently.  I knew that government requirements had changed the automotive industry, but it was my car shopping experience that brought the effects of the regulations into focus.  General Motors only makes sedans in its Cadillac division. Ford and Stellantis (formerly Crysler) only make sports (American muscle) cars.  Honda, Nissan and Toyota still make sedans.  Almost all these models have only 4 cylinder engines or 4 cylinder hybrid engines.  All the manufacturers focus on the SUV models.  The SUVs seem to come in small, medium and large sizes.  Small and medium SUVs are powered for the most part by 4 cylinder or 4 cylinder hybrid engines.  

Once one has wandered through the confusion of body style and drivetrain options, it is time to consider accessories.  Here, confusion moves to chaos.  Do you want 6, 12 or 15 speakers?  How about a sunroof, moonroof or no roof at all.  Do you want your derriere to be on fabric, synthetic leather, one of those with leather trim or actual leather?  Of course, there is always the upgraded leather for those with tender derrieres. It can be cooled or heated.  How about color?  Oh, for the days of Henry Ford, when you could get any color you wanted as long as it was black.  For most brands and models, the colors are limited by the trim (engine and accessory package) base model that you choose.  Of course, there are options for both inside and out, but at a cost.

After my initial bewilderment at the options I faced, instinct kicked in.  Keep it simple stupid.  I would look for a 6 cylinder wagon or sedan with specific features that drove as nicely as my 30 year-old wagon.  Boy, was I in for a surprise.

Although I didn’t want to purchase a car over the internet, it was a way to navigate the models and options I might want.  Once that process was completed, the disappointment set in.  You see, a buyer’s choices are limited by the dealers’ inventory and ordering limitations.  I rarely found a car locally that was near what I created on the websites. For the most part they came with many options, some I wanted, many I didn’t. 

I found myself in a chaotic mess, but the worst was yet to come – the test drive.  I did my internet work.  I identified what I needed, what I would accept and what I wanted to spend.  There were three models that met my criteria.  With this information, I gathered my fortitude and went to the dealerships.  On my first visits I inspected the models and made sure that they would be acceptable long term.  I checked out the headroom, getting in and out, the dashboard layout (real buttons and screens) and the seat comfort.  All three passed my inspection.  I then scheduled a test drive for each.  To jump to the end of the story, I knew by the time I was able to get the first two off the lot and to the first stop sign, I would not want to drive them for any length of time.  The third drove better and took me a couple of miles before I was sure that I did not want it either.  Have you ever steered a boat?  You get the idea.  

The real story of the test drives is a tale of the modern tendency of manufacturers to follow the old contractor’s adage “while you doing, why don’t you,” or in their case, “If we are going to, we can do this too.”

The test drive was usually in a vehicle that I could have easily purchased based upon its looks, qualifications and color.  It seems to begin with a walkaround introduction to the prospective new family member with a description of its attributes.  When I entered the car further instructions and descriptions followed.  Seat position, buttons, touch screen, shifter, brakes, infotainment options……  I only wanted to drive the thing.  After my driver’s seat ‘check-out’, I was advised that full instructions were given upon purchase.  You can imagine my fear of the full instructions.  I envisioned a daylong event with both classroom and one-on-one instructor guided time.  I was sure an essay test would follow with passing required before I could take my new car off the lot.  I did not need nor want most of those features. I always thought I could pass on those 12 to 15 speakers.

You know my impressions of the drive, all three failed.  The next issue was getting out of the car and off the lot.  I have to smile when I think of how hard the poor salespeople work to convince you what a good choice it is, how a great deal could made today and how much their manager would like to meet you.  Another segment of my time on the planet disappears into the ethers. 

My lesson.  Do your homework.  Decide on models, trims, colors, required options and budget before going to look at sheet metal and be sure you may want to buy it before you spend another 2 hours for a test drive.  As for me, the internet purchase with the trial period option is appearing better and better. 

Maybe if I wait, manufacturers will once again manufacture cars for their customers, the daily drivers and most buyers.  The current crop of new automobiles appears to be made for the frugal, the technology chasers, the speed obsessed and our politicians. What is needed is a midsize or larger sedan or wagon with a simple, strong drivetrain at a reasonable price.  

Life with my current love, a 1995 Mercedes E Class wagon, may need to be extended till they come for my license, if the new air conditioning last that long.

RGH 30,232